Dealing With Rejection: You’re Allowed to Be Hurt
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“Tomorrow’s a new day.”
“You just have to get back on the horse and keep going.”
“Don’t worry - JK Rowling got rejected by like seven publishers for Harry Potter, and look where she is now!”
If you’re a writer, chances are you have heard all of these things and more when you confide in someone about a rejection you have received. And while the person saying them certainly means well (even though citing JK Rowling as being someone to admire is very misguided considering her hate-fuelled transphobic beliefs) it can all start to feel a little repetitive after a while.
Because what all of these sentiments boil down to is the notion that you are supposed to have unlimited resources, time, and willpower to keep trying and trying until someone finally says yes - which could take months, years, or decades to happen. And the truth is that at the end of the day, we are not superhuman machines who are instantly capable of brushing off rejection without any effort. That “No” from a publication or a writing competition can hurt like hell.
Sometimes you do have to take a moment to reflect on what has happened. Take a beat, allow yourself to be sad for an opportunity that you have missed out on. It doesn’t make you weak or ungrateful to be upset. Resting after you have worked hard will allow you to recover your strength, and build back up to something new. “Getting back on that horse” can be a long process, and it’s okay to let yourself be sad or angry.
Sometimes, however, rejection is a political issue.
I am writing this piece as a cisgender white woman from England, meaning that I carry with me a lot of privilege. Depending on the internal bias of the people making the decisions, I am more likely to be considered for certain roles than a person of colour or someone who is transgender, and I know that my white cisgender male counterparts are even more privileged than I am. Rejection on the basis of race, gender, or sexuality is discrimination, and it happens a disgusting amount within the literary publishing world. The growth of movements such as Black Lives Matter and #MeToo has led to people starting to have important conversations about this, for example in June when publishing workers went on strike against racism. Workers and writers for major publishing companies protested in favour of Black Lives Matter and encouraged the publishing world to be better at empowering black writers (and actually paying them fairly). It is therefore crucial that we all take note of times when we or our peers are not given access to the same opportunities as other people who may hold more privileged positions in society.
Of course it is important to remember that there are other major factors in deciding who is published and when. In a 2017 article, Julie Crisp (Commissioning Editor at Tor UK) says that there are actually many female experts within the publishing industry who are in fact working to ensure that there is gender diversity within the material that gets published. She says that, from her experience, publishers face a distinct lack of female writers submitting work, particularly when it comes to horror and science fiction. This is a big issue in itself, as we should be encouraging more female writers to have faith in their abilities and submit work for publication - to stand their ground in the face of rejection, to take the time that they need to heal, and to seek out other opportunities. However, as well as this, I personally believe that publishing companies (particularly larger ones whose books tend to dominate the bookshelves) can always do better to uphold voices from marginalised groups.
White publishing teams need to be better at listening to writers of colour; male publishers need to be better at listening to female writers; straight publishers need to be better at listening to LGBTQ+ writers. And writers from oppressed groups have a right to get angry when they are rejected once again from a literary world that still, for the most part, feels dominated by straight cisgender heterosexual men.
My advice for dealing with rejection isn’t to let yourself fill with rage. But maybe you should let the anger you feel at the world around you when you hear that “NO” inspire you. When you are rejected from an opportunity that you really wanted and you feel that painful disappointment, you can let it fuel you to try again. Anger should not consume you, should not twist you into someone who will step on other people’s toes to claw your way to the top - but you have a right to take up space in the world of literature, and you deserve to have faith in your abilities as a writer.
Anger in the face of rejection can be a powerful tool, so long as it is directed at those who are abusing their power to deny opportunities to people who deserve to have their voices heard.
About Sally Piper
Sally Piper is an undergraduate English Literature with Creative Writing student at the University of East Anglia in Norwich. She has been recognised in a variety of national writing competitions, including being the winner of the 2018 Goldsmiths’ Young Writer Prize, and being shortlisted for the 2020 Chester Cathedral Young Poets’ Competition and the 2020 Stories of the Nature of Cities prize. She enjoys writing fiction with a focus on gender and sexuality.
