How Becoming Sober Helped Me As A Writer
Growing up, I always had this picture in my mind of the type of writer I wanted to be. I’d wear a cozy sweater and be surrounded by books. I’d have a leather briefcase filled with scribbled-in journals and fancy pens. And I’d have a glass of whiskey with me at all times.
Mind you, this was all before I ever took a sip of alcohol. It was just what I thought an author looked like. Faulkner, Steinbeck, Hemingway –I’m sure you’ve envisioned their desks the same way I have.
As I became older – and realized I didn’t care for the taste of whiskey – wine became my writing partner. Pinot Grigio was my companion, and each sip’s sole purpose was to inspire my creativity. Until it wasn’t.
Soon that Pinot became less of my friend and more of my enemy. One who had such control of me and I was soon at their beck and call. Nights that once were spent filling pages with my thoughts and stories became, well, nothing. In hindsight, I see that those nights didn’t add to my life at all. In fact, they took my life away. I fell into a deep hole and nearly lost my chance to escape.
But, guess what. I did escape. And it was the best thing that I’ve ever done for myself.
How becoming sober helped me as a writer
Ever since I took my last sip of alcohol, my life has become immeasurably better in every way. My love life, career, health, finances – everything. My favorite of all, however, was how becoming sober helped me get back to who I am as a writer.
Time is (back) on my side. Not only is that a great Stones song, but it’s the truth. My evenings and weekends aren’t spent thinking about my next drink, and my mornings aren’t spent in bed or on the bathroom floor. I have so much more quality time to not only write but to get inspired. I’m reading more, going on new adventures, and living in a way alcohol didn’t allow.
I am motivated – who knew?! Fewer hangovers mean more energy, the kind that can be used for writing. There was a period in my life where I went – and I hate to admit this – years without working on my creative writing. After putting down the bottle, I found the motivation to get back into it. It’s almost like I can’t even type or write fast enough to tell all the stories I want to tell, the ones that were held inside me all this time.
I realized that I am creative. I used to think that alcohol boosted my creativity, or that I couldn’t have one single creative idea without the booze circling through my system. After becoming sober, I was forced to be creative with no alcoholic assistance, and I was pleased with the results. I am creative all on my own and damn it, it feels good.
I’ve stopped doubting myself. It’s no secret that alcohol affects our brain chemistry. Drinking can contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety over time, which, in my experience, is a recipe for disaster. The more I drank, the more unhappy I became. That resulted in negative self-beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of. Even after I stopped drinking, this was something I still had to proactively work on – it’s not like I put the bottle down and all of a sudden praised myself. What changed was now that I am giving myself more reasons to believe that I am capable of pursuing what I want.
My mind is clearer than ever. Gone are the days and nights of hazy thoughts and fleeting ideas – I actually remember things (crazy, right?). For example, say I am driving home and am playing out a conversation between some characters in my story. The old me would have made a mental note, gotten home, opened a bottle of wine, and forgotten about the epic dialogue. Now, however, I arrive home and head straight for my notebook or laptop and write it down – and then some.
I’ve learned that writing is a better outlet. It’s been said that many people drink to cope or hide from the stressors in their life – I can attest to that. Drinking gave me an escape from my demons, but it was only temporary. My problems were still there the next day and my choice to hide did nothing but put off the inevitable. I now write through my problems and, I have to say, it’s a heck of a lot more fun (and healthier, to boot!). Whether I’m living vicariously through the characters I create or journaling, writing has allowed me to work through the problems I used to try and drown. And I am a lot stronger because of it.
My life as a writer may not be exactly what I pictured it many moons ago. But, as I sit here in my cozy sweater next to a pile of books, scribbling in my favorite journal with my fancy pen, I can tell you that I am happy with the way it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, my tea kettle is whistling.
If you’re interested in changing your relationship with drinking, here’s where I started.
About
Samantha Kauffman
Samantha is a Cleveland-based creative and mental health advocate. She has more than a decade's worth of experience in marketing + content creation, and has dedicated her career telling the stories of local brands. Samantha has written two children's books and is currently working on her first novel, an autobiographical fantasy story that's been inside of her since she was just a kid. In her free time -- and when she's not putting pen to paper, so to speak -- she's going on adventures with her husband + dog, listening to true crime podcasts, or honing her photography skills.
