Meditations on Journaling
I received my first journal — a diary when I was 9. I was in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program in grade school and my big sister gave me my first journal as a gift. I still remember what it looked like, a square white lined journal that had a picture of a field full of sunflowers on the cover. I don’t remember the occasion or why she gifted me the journal, but I’m so glad she did because it changed my life.
I never did finish that journal (a habit that would follow me in my life) but I really wish I had it now to see what 9 years old me thought was important enough to write down because as a kid I think we write with much more freedom. The journals and notebooks from middle school are also long gone, but I remember them bringing me such comfort. I carried whichever one I was currently filling up everywhere. It was an escape. It was a friend. I could tell it anything without fear of being judged or ridiculed. As a preteen, I feel it’s important to have someone to talk to, to listen and my journal was that.
My journaling habits aren’t always the most consistent. I have gone years in the past without writing a single word or filling up a single journal, but I always find myself coming back to it. I have this need to write down my thoughts, feelings, anything and everything - no matter how mundane. My journal has evolved over the years, from being a place where I wrote how my day was, what I ate, what I was hoping to do the next day to a place where I write about my fears and thoughts concerning issues happening around me and in the world to ramblings about the books I’m reading and the films I’m watching.
The past year I have been attempting to reestablish a journal writing habit. I realized that it was something that I had been away from for far too long and I missed it. For me, journaling has always been therapeutic and meditative. This year I am waking up before the sun rises and sitting with a journal. I am allowing my mind - freshly woken to release all the thoughts I have about the previous day or the day ahead, intentions I have for myself, and feelings I may have about what is happening in the world. I find it a peaceful and necessary way to start the day. When I allow myself to have time alone with my thoughts, I am able to leave what I am feeling on paper and not bottled up inside.
In keeping a journal all these years and allowing it to evolve into what it is today, I have been able to explore writing about things beyond my day to day life. My journal has allowed me to explore writing about a number of different topics like current events, books, films, personal evolution, reface, and gender. I am able to speak freely within the blank pages and just allow the words to flow out. Once I’ve gotten my initial thoughts down, I can then move to edit or build upon what I’ve written in my journal. The more I write, the more confident I become with my writing and sharing my words. I’ve been able to overcome my fears of letting others read anything I’ve written. If it weren’t for my journal I would not have had the confidence to apply for different writing opportunities, which I started doing last year.
I thoroughly believe in keeping a journal, particularly if you’re going through something. It is a companion, waiting to listen to you, with blank pages full of possibility. I enjoy reading through my old journals and seeing how I’ve changed or haven’t and how far I’ve come. I’m really looking forward to reading through the journals I fill during this period of my life.
About Karla Mendez
Karla Mendez is a writer and artist based in Florida. She is obsessed with buying books at a faster pace than she can read. An avid journal keeper, her favorite part of the day is watching the sun rise as she writes. She is always happy to discuss books and films - find her on Instagram at @kmmendez
