Poetry Brought Back My Power
I am a writer who chooses to write about the things I survived: sexual assault, domestic violence, abuse, and other situations, which gave me the title of survivor.
When I first started writing, I used a lot of metaphors to allow only a surface view of things. I couldn't face what happened and used metaphors to write about things that didn't include my experiences. I got back into poetry nearly a decade ago and started writing when I was a kid. When I returned to poetry as an adult who survived an abusive relationship, it was like a dam burst inside me. I was done hiding from what happened. I wanted to write about it and maybe help others who had gone through the same things.
Poetry helped me to take back my power from difficult situations. Writing and using metaphor with my experiences made me realize it happened. There were a lot of emotions to sift through with the process of writing slam pieces about my past. Performing these pieces in front of audiences, I would get several people who approached me.
There is a power in telling your story. There is taking back and reclaiming of hearing your account, and no one can say to you in that instant it didn't happen. Or, it wasn't that bad. Or victim blame you for how did you get into this situation? Those who need to hear the story will receive it, and I've heard stories of how something I said helped someone later to claim something they weren't ready to face yet.
After performing poetry, I'd have people tell me their experiences with sexual assault. They'd admit to me this was the first time they told someone what happened. They would thank me for the poem that I said on the stage. I heard stories and felt honored to be a safe space for them to trust me to tell them. I always listened to the same thing in the stories, fearing their loved ones not believing them.
I could lie and say they will believe you, but they may not. I dealt with victim-blaming and the person listening taking it on themselves that I was the problem behind the assault. When you write your stories and share them, you become tapped into something you didn't have before. That is a community that is there to support you and uplift you.
The community has become my form of reconnection with myself. I never had it as a child because I was the odd one in a group and kept to myself. That is how writing first came to me: I created worlds within worlds to be happy. I created worlds to have characters be my friends and could spend hours, silent, just imagining things without saying a word. I never thought my writing would hit or resonate with anyone, and I felt my experience was unique. But, that's the beauty of writing is that we connect with others on a visceral level with how similar we can be.
Those who survive abuse that the family caused have a more difficult time integrating themselves into reality without the abuse. It's because who we would turn to for care are the ones who hurt us. So, to become okay again, we need human connection. That is impossible if the people we would connect with will hurt us again if we do this.
Poetry brings back your power because your community finds you. I am now teaching workshops with a non-profit in North Carolina, Guerrilla Poets, facilitating Survivors workshops and ways to manage emotions through poetry. Writing can be a savior because it helps you realize the power and the strength you always had. It's just gathering those words to make that poem, to make that piece connect yourself back to the world again.
About Sarah Bellum Mental
Sarah Bellum Mental looks to amplify her voice for those who need a voice to speak on tough subjects. She provides workshops to access creativity for writers. She is an author of two poetry books taking orders now. Her IG is: SarahMentalPoet and Website for all info is www.sarahbellummental.com She will be competing in WOWPS 2022 in Baltimore and in Slam Mania III with Write About Now Poetry, January 2022.