Do Self-help Books Actually Help?
We’ve all been there – the self-help aisle of books. You know where I’m talking about, the section you wander over to when you’re feeling low, and you want some answers. For me, I usually have some wine in my cart at Target while I’m browsing the books because I’m nearing 30 and still don’t have it all figured out like I thought I would. But, do the self-help books really work? Do we ever even really read them or do they just sit on the bookshelf hidden so no one else can see our struggles when they come to visit? I’ll be the first one to admit that I have tons of these books whether they’re on mental health, relationships, success, career, etc. I’m not even going to lie to you all, I’ve maybe read a total of 5 front to back. I’m not exactly proud of this, and I honestly had the intent of reading them (still do, actually), but I realized that something was just off about them.
Recently, I was perusing my Goodreads list of books from 2021, and I noticed one in particular: Burnout by Emily Nagoski. I listened to this book on audio (I feel like listening to self-help books is the only way), and I enjoyed it. It made me think, and I’m sure it had some sort of impact on me, but what was that impact? The problem is that I don’t remember how it helped me. I can’t truly remember the main points of the book. I know it was about “unlocking the stress cycle,” but did I remember that? No. I just looked up the blurb about the book. I definitely knew it was about stress and, again, it was an interesting book, but if you asked me what I learned from it, I wouldn’t know what to say.
So, here’s my qualm when it comes to these books: they essentially promise to “fix” you by the end through teaching you some variation of the top 3-5 things you can do to fix (insert your problem here), and yet, we finish the book and none of our problems are remotely close to being solved. Quite frankly, we don’t know what to do at all because these top 3-5 things were so abstract that our minds are still reveling with how to translate them into concrete, everyday actions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve not read, but started to read one of these books and completely lost interest because they weren’t genuinely helpful at all, but instead confusing and somewhat pointless. Now, before you all start freaking out on me, I’m saying the purpose of the book is incorrect, therefore deeming it pointless in that area. As I said before, I enjoyed reading Burnout, so if its purpose was to inform and somewhat entertain me, then I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is that these books are labeled as being a tool to jumpstart immense changes in yourself, which it falls short of doing.
Is there value in these books? Yes. The value is in their facts, anecdotes, and inspiration, so why don’t we label them that way instead? What if instead of being labeled self-help, they were labeled as self-aware? I do believe these books can teach us beneficial concepts and help us to become cognizant of who we are, but this self-help ploy is downright scam-y to me. We can’t fix ourselves in 5 steps, nor can we sum up all of the experiences and lessons a person has to go through to become their best self. Not to mention the fact that each person’s journey is unique – what works for one person doesn’t always work for another person. Our society is so fast-paced that instead of really sitting down and contemplating our emotions, we’d rather pick up a book that promises to do it all for us, but life doesn’t come with a manual, and we can’t create one for it. Maybe we should read some of these books and grab some tips, but one book isn’t going to do it, and we would all do well to keep that in mind. In the meantime, most of mine will be sitting on my TBR shelf collecting dust while I’m enjoying that wine from Target until someone or some book changes my mind.
