Wildfire Anxiety, Motherhood, and a Sold-Out Launch — Writer Diary
Sandra is a television producer and writer based in Los Angeles. She recently developed an original TV pilot for ABC with Marc Webb attached to executive produce. Previously, she served as Co-Executive Producer on the Golden Globe–nominated Alaska Daily and the Paramount+ action-adventure series Blood & Treasure. Originally from Toronto, Sandra wrote for acclaimed series such as The Hardy Boys (Hulu), Lost Girl (SyFy), and Rookie Blue (ABC). A Yale graduate, Sandra studied Creative Writing at Oxford. THE ENDS OF THINGS is her first novel.
This diary offers a glimpse into the wild ride of her pub week: navigating wildfire evacuations, sleepless nights with her 6-month-old, and the thrill of a sold-out book launch in New York City.
Wednesday, January 8th
4:30 AM – Wake up to pump breast milk and get my 6-month-old baby ready for airport pickup to LAX. My book launch event is in one week, and we’re going to visit family in Maryland and Virginia first.
5:30 AM – Carry bags and baby to Uber in howling Santa Ana windstorm. Fires broke out in the Palisades yesterday and aren’t contained yet. Anxious that the winds are too strong for the airplane to take off. Also anxious because we’re flying into a winter storm on the East Coast. Also anxious because this is the first time flying with baby. Pray for us.
6:00 AM – Arrive at LAX and go through security with diaper bag, stroller, suitcases, formula, and breast pump. Miraculously make it through without losing anything. Feel very smug.
8:00 AM – As plane taxis down runway, get bottle ready for baby to drink during takeoff. Plane’s engine malfunctions. We’re sent back to the gate. Sit on tarmac and stare at massive clouds of wildfire smoke that fill the sky.
9:00 AM – Engine’s fixed, we’re back in business. Pilot warns us about extreme smoke-induced turbulence ahead. Takeoff is rocky AF. Baby not a fan.
11:00 AM – Baby has massive blowout. Embark on first-ever airplane bathroom diaper change. Cue more turbulence. Things get rocky. Poop gets…everywhere. Leave bathroom feeling no small amount of guilt. Neighboring travelers are disgusted. Avoid eye contact with everyone.
4:00 PM – Land in DC. Flight attendant gives baby a special pin since it’s her first flight. Baby smiles her beguiling smile. Everyone coos and forgives her for stinking up the bathroom.
6:00 PM – Arrive at hotel in Maryland and catch up on wildfire coverage. Our home is still standing, but Palisades fire is spreading, and new fires are popping up. Feel grateful to be out of harm’s way but go to bed with heavy heart knowing people are losing their homes.
Thursday, January 9th
7:00 AM – Wake up after a few hours of sleep. Feed baby and doomscroll fire coverage. 0% containment.
9:00 AM – Pump while drinking Starbucks and listening to my first podcast interview about my novel. Strange and surreal listening to the sound of my own voice. Eat cereal in hotel room.
11:00 AM – While baby naps, answer Q&A for writerly website, Fresh Fiction. Lots of insightful questions that demand deep thinking.
12:30 PM – Email with my book agent about a proposal I wrote for my sophomore novel—a domestic suspense told in multiple perspectives, set in an affluent LA neighborhood. Agent sends some notes about the ending. Work on re-write plan that addresses her notes.
2:00 PM – Check wildfire app to see if our home is in the evacuation zone. Not yet. Feel helpless that there’s nothing I can do and sorrow for the many, many people who’ve already lost their homes. LA is such an extreme place to live in so many ways.
2:30 PM – Take baby for a walk to get sausage, egg, and cheese bagel near hotel. Experience windchill for the first time in years. The Canadian in me is a bit nostalgic. Baby, who was born in the San Fernando Valley, and is thus a Valley Girl, is nonplussed by the freezing weather.
6:00 PM – Thai takeout with extended family. Dominant topic of discussion is the fires. Baby sits in a highchair for the first time and loves it. She eats a bit of banana.
2:00 AM – Wake up to feed baby, then stay up for a while doomscrolling. Entire Facebook feed is GoFundMes for friends of friends who have lost their homes. Absolutely horrific. There are so many kids out there who lost their bedrooms tonight. I squeeze my baby girl tight.
Friday, January 10th
8:00 AM – Baby miraculously slept 5 hours. In a row! Which means I slept five hours in a row.
8:30 AM – Drink Starbucks and pump while catching up on fire coverage. Our home is still standing. More friends have evacuated and/or lost power. 400,000 people now under evacuation. Feel incredibly grateful to have a warm, safe place to sleep.
9:00 AM – Listen to another podcast interview I recorded. Low key don’t hate the sound of my own voice but feel weird/gross posting the interview to my socials in the midst of the fires.
10:30 AM – Pack up and head to Arlington, VA, to visit my sister and her family.
11:30 AM – Arrive in Arlington and celebrate upcoming book launch with family. Discuss staying longer, beyond the book launch, until the fires are contained, to keep baby safe.
4:00 PM – While baby naps, work on “Author’s Note” that my publisher Blackstone will post to social media on Pub Day. Take 100 selfies until I am satisfied with one.
7:00 PM – Celebratory dinner with family. My mom bakes a cake. We drink real champagne from Reims. A new fire evacuation warning closer to home puts a damper on the evening. Get a stomachache thinking about our home burning up.
10:00 PM – Put baby to bed and start reading a thriller novel my TV reps sent me for possible consideration to adapt. So distracted by fire coverage, don’t make it past page 2.
10:17 PM – My manager checks in from LA: Hollywood is basically shut down. I text with friends who have evacuated or are in the process of evacuating. Some are driving north, others got AirBnBs south of LA. My very good friend had a panic attack.
10:30 PM – Check local LA news on my laptop. Palisades fire is monstrously huge. Shut laptop to stop doomscrolling since there is nothing I can do. Try to sleep. Can’t.
11:00 PM – Go downstairs. Eat leftover cake and drink bourbon in sister’s kitchen.
12:19 AM – Wake up and can’t fall back asleep. Baby is miraculously still asleep. Stare at her. So glad she is peaceful and safe.
Saturday, January 11th
7:00 AM – Baby wakes up. Drink coffee while reading updates about fires. Encino, which is near where we live, got an evac warning last night. Close friends evacuated.
10:00 AM – Eat a bagel and make list of important documents. Inquire if a friend can swing by my home to pick them up, just in case. Plan fails due to road closures.
10:30 AM – My mom takes baby for a walk in the wintry weather so I can have some precious alone time. Get to work writing “Author’s Note” and finish answering a Q&A that will go live on Pub Day. A guest post I wrote for The Nerd Daily goes live. I post it to my socials. Check Instagram: Several influencers have started posting about my book. Doomscroll about fires.
3:00 PM – Go to Apple Store to take a break from doomscrolling. On the drive over, learn my neighborhood is officially under evac warning. Next-door neighbor texts video of giant smoke cloud approaching. Start crying in Apple Store and leave immediately.
4:00 PM – Baby cries in the car, then falls asleep. Watching her sleep is comforting. Remind myself that we got out safe. Feel grateful.
4:30 PM – While baby naps, work on second draft of a screenplay I owe my agents. I’ve been having Act 2 problems, so I work on untangling a story problem. Hard to focus on creative work though, what with the existential threat of encroaching fires. Close laptop. Stare out window.
7:00 PM – Family dinner celebrating upcoming book launch. Nephew cooks steak. Sister toasts the impossibility of getting a novel published. It’s really nice to be with family.
10:00 PM – Put baby to bed. Force myself not to doomscroll. Go to sleep.
Sunday, January 12th
8:00 AM – Wake up after 3 consecutive hours of sleep. Was up a lot in the night with baby, so three consecutive hours is a luxury.
8:30 AM – Pump, then eat oatmeal with my mom. Check on fires: Looks like firefighters are valiantly holding the Ridge (the northern front line of the Palisades Fire), so that it doesn’t spill into the Valley.
9:00 AM – Mom and sister take baby for a long walk so I can work. Resume working on screenplay. Have untangled the Act 2 problem after sleeping on it. Funny how the subconscious has a way of solving story problems while I sleep.
1:30 PM – Check in with my friend Gabe Sherman, Special Correspondent to Vanity Fair and screenwriter of The Apprentice (the Trump movie), who will be doing the Q&A at my launch event. He sends me articles about the fires, asks where I would go if I had to leave LA. I honestly have no idea. It’s such an aspirational city, and it’s absolutely gutting that so many people’s dreams have been burned to the ground.
2:00 PM – Friend messages me on Facebook saying she can’t buy tickets online for launch event because it’s sold out (??). What the hell? I legit do not have enough friends in NYC to sell out this event. Email my publicist.
3:00 PM – Sister and I get book launch manicures. Nail tech is disturbed to hear I’m visiting from LA and forces me to get a neck and shoulder massage because I must be stressed. I don’t argue.
5:00 PM – Sister and I swing by Target to look for a book launch outfit for baby and find an adorable dress on clearance. Love a great baby book launch dress, especially when it’s on sale.
7:00 PM – Dinner with family. We all live so far apart and haven’t spent this much time together since before the pandemic. It’s like old times.
10:00 PM – Put baby to bed and check fire status. No change from this morning. Feeling slightly reassured. Work on a scene from my screenplay, then go to bed.
