Pride Month Readings, DIY Promotion, and the Emotional Rollercoaster of Debuting a Book — Writer Diary
Samantha Mann is a Brooklyn based writer. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, TIME, The Cut, VOGUE, and others. She is the author of Putting Out: Essay on Otherness, the anthology, I Feel Love: Notes and Queer Joy. Her most recent essay collection, Dyke Delusions, is now available.'
This diary captures the whirlwind of launching Dyke Delusions—balancing the excitement of a debut with the pressures of promotion, the vulnerability of being visible, and the chaos of parenting two young kids.
Friday, May 30
7:00 AM: I sleep until 7:00 or 7:30 in the mornings when my wife, Alissa, wakes up with our almost 1-year-old. We generally rotate mornings. Then starts the typical morning routine of asking my 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, making it for him, and then watching him mostly not eat said item and ask for other things. On Friday my wife and I both work from home so we drop the kids off at school and daycare and then take a walk together. We try to keep our Friday mornings open so we can have this uninterrupted hour together. I love walking and talking, so this is my favorite way to start the day.
9:00 AM: I have a quick call with Nancy Reedy (author of The Good Mother Myth) about the variety of events I’m doing for Dyke Delusions. She is writing a piece about alternatives to the standard reading. For the week of my book launch I have a standard launch and reading at Books Are Magic on Monday in conversation with the brilliant and generous pal Chloe Caldwell (author of the beloved Women and the upcoming Trying!), a queer-joy-be-damned reading at Taylor and Co. on Tuesday with Mia Arias Tsang (author of Fragments of Wasted Devotion) and Chloe Caldwell (Owner of Taylor and Co., Andrew Colarusso had sent me an email earlier in the summer when he heard about the book and invited me to do an event at the store, which was so exciting as I don’t often get invited to stuff! 80% of the places you see me at I invited myself to), and on Thursday I planned a queer variety show at Star Barr with the independent bookstore Hive Mind. However, I’ve been checking in with Julie Wernersbach (owner and founder of Hive Mind) because ticket sales for this event seem low, too low! I’m realizing now that three events in one week was too many! I do not have the pull for that many events, and should have planned this particular event out for later in the summer. June is already so overcrowded with pride events. Julie and I decide to wait until Tuesday to decide if we should move forward with the event or cut it. Right now, we are holding steady with six tickets.
11:00 AM: I join my favorite Al-Anon virtual meeting. I’ve been going for about four months and have found it immensely useful. I have been meaning to get to an in-person meeting in the neighborhood, but it hasn’t happened yet.
12:00–4:00 PM: I catch up on treatment planning and report writing for my day job. I am a behavioral analyst who works with kids and their families. I work directly with clients Monday through Thursday, so I love sitting in front of the TV catching up on paperwork on Fridays. Today I watch Jax Taylor terrorize everyone on The Valley and question all of Nicole Kidman’s wigs on Nine Perfect Strangers. Honestly, I am so sick of working. I enjoy my job when I’m working directly with the kids, but I mostly want the government or someone to pay me to take long walks and write things down!
7:00 PM: I head to K’Far for my friend Angela’s birthday dinner. We were sorority sisters in college and I just realized we’ve been friends for about 15 years which seems unbelievable! I can’t recommend K’Far enough, particularly if you’ve been trying to get into Laser Wolf but can’t get a reservation. My friend Angela has an amazing group of girlfriends, and I was so happy to spend the night eating delicious food and reflecting on what a great life she has made for herself! Love to see friends thrive! I realize on my way out of the restaurant that I left the gorgeous bouquet of flowers I got for her at home and promise to bring them Monday.
10:00 PM: On the walk back to the train I post an Instagram video about how I think everyone who signed the anti-Patti Lupone statement has lost the thread. Let the diva’s diva!
Saturday, May 31
5:45 AM: It is unfortunately my morning to get up with the baby, but I pop in my headphones and catch up with my favorite podcast (Bitch Sesh) and drink a coffee while watching my baby put blocks in and out of a container over and over again. Parenting hack: podcasts and audiobooks make annoying things like getting up early or playing basketball with your highly competitive son better!
9:00 AM–1:00 PM: In Lady Gaga meme voice: “playground, another playground, basketball court, birthday party, park.”
2:00–4:00 PM: We shut the whole house down for two hours on Saturday and Sunday by having the baby take a nap and giving our 6-year-old the coveted iPad. Today my wife, Alissa, takes a nap while I figure out what I’ll be reading for the launch at Books Are Magic on Monday. I decide I’ll read the essay about my relationship to the word dyke. I patch together the pieces from the essay that I think will work best out loud. I feel worried no one will show up to the book launch and then text a handful of my writer friends (Emily J. Smith, Liz Teets, Sarah Kasbeer) to tell them just that. Everyone says nice things.
Sunday, June 1
10:00 AM: We go to a birthday party in Prospect Park where the kids make a huge castle out of cardboard boxes! It’s the coolest party we’ve been to all year.
12:00 PM: I email Andrew at Taylor and Co. and tell him I’m worried no one will show up to our Tuesday event and that I shouldn’t have scheduled more than one event that week. He writes me back and says people have already RSVP’d, and that even if it’s a small turnout it will be intimate and nice. I thank him for this reminder and think about the time R/B Mertz and I read to a room of 5 people (a spouse and store clerk included). Shout out to Bureau of General Services—Queer Division, we still had a fun time!
3:00 PM: I have an interview with pal Liz Teets for BOMB Magazine. It is so nice to be interviewed by a friend! This is my first interview for the book, and as we’re talking I remember that I like so many parts of it and can’t wait for people to get to read it. I tell Liz that I already told Book Soup in L.A. that she could be the host and conversation partner on August 19th (I’m doing a L.A. leg of the tour in August), and she is luckily available! Again, yay for friends.
5:00–8:00 PM: Baths, dinner, and wind down time for the fam. AKA the hardest 3 hours of parenting of the whole week. I am overstimulated and tired of caregiving. We rush everyone into bed so we can watch Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Monday, June 2
5:45 AM: I’m up with the baby, making coffee, and cooking her favorite omelet. I am feeling calm and not rushed because I took the day off—I actually took the week off! I spend so much time balancing my professional time with my writing life that I took the week off so I could just be present in writer world for one week. My professional life tends to come first because it pays the bills, so it’s not often I get to fully turn it off for writing.
8:30 AM: My wife also works from home on Monday, so we drop everyone off and take a morning walk. I tell her I’m worried no one will come tonight and she tells me she is proud of me and that we’ll have fun and not to worry, people are coming. We count through the people in our family and close friends who are definitely coming, and I feel a bit better. At home I read her the dyke essay and see if she has any notes. Then I try on different outfits. I decide on what I refer to as Diane Keaton pants (oversized and baggy) and a shirt that says "dyke" in a big heart from the Dyke March a few years back.
10:00 AM: I get a haircut and a blowout, which makes me feel 10X more confident about everything.
11:30 AM: I email Julie at Hive Mind and she tells me ticket sales have moved from six to eight, so we will wait 24 hours before deciding to ax the variety show. I am devastated because we have so much incredible talent booked and I don’t want to let them down, and I think it will be a blast and a great alternative to the standard book events.
12:00 PM: My parents arrive! They live in Arizona but are spending the summer in New York since Phoenix is now unlivable from May–September. They take me out to lunch and then we run errands for the event. We buy wine, Highnoons, and pink cups and napkins that match the book cover. My writer friend Ashleigh Pedersen (author of The Crocodile Bride) and I have decided that the literary scene needs to bring some glamour back, and this starts with bringing warm wine back to book events! Let’s bring back a sense of celebration, people!
3:00–6:00 PM: I read the dyke passage out loud a few more times, go and get my eyebrows threaded, pick up the kids, and get ready for the night. Alissa puts bronzer on for me to add a little something-something to my usual make-up. The babysitter is on time, and I head to Books Are Magic for the event! On the way out the door, the baby is crying and does not want to be with the sitter, which isn’t exactly how I wanted to leave her, but the show must go on!
6:30 PM: My parents, Alissa, Amelia (Lavender PR!), and I show up to Books Are Magic right at 6:30. It is thrilling to see the room set up for the event and my book in the front! They ask me to sign a huge stack of books, and I immediately ask what will happen if they don’t sell and they have to send them back (indie author brain), to which they reply that they’ve bought them all outright which is unbelievable to me! I’ve never seen a stack of 30 of my books anywhere! Most independent stores have about 0–3 copies of my books! I made a Dyke Delusions playlist which is playing throughout the store and people start filling in. It really is fun to stand around with lukewarm beverages chatting before an event with friends and family. My biggest surprise is that people kept coming in that I didn’t even know! Strangers! This was really a peak moment for me! Chloe asks surprising and insightful questions like the pro she is. I feel at ease within seconds and was able to be present and enjoy myself the whole time. I am overwhelmed to look out and see my family, friends, writer community, and new faces! Some book TikTokers even showed up! It feels so nice to realize I’ve built a community over the past five years and am starting to extend my reach a bit.
8:15 PM: After signing books and closing the shop we head over to Bohemian Bar, who was kind enough to reserve the back of the bar for me without a down payment or minimum requirement! We have drinks and snacks and good convo. My dad and mother-in-law order a fruity drink that arrives in a glass shaped like a woman’s bottom half showing both booty and vagina.
10:00 PM: We return home to two sleeping children. It is always a treat to not put the kids to bed! I am buzzing on energy, so I make Alissa chat with me for another hour before we go to bed.
Tuesday, June 3
7:30 AM: I am thrilled to have slept in and more excited to see that my blowout still looks great!
8:30 AM: I have coffee and skim through the book, figuring out what I want to read in relation to the theme of queer joy for the Taylor and Co. event.
9:00 AM: I email with Julie, and we officially cancel Thursday's event at Star Barr. I am disappointed to have to email all the wonderful and talented performers, but it is a good lesson learned. Less is more and spread events out when you can.
10:00 AM–12:00 PM: I take a nap, which is not related to writing or my professional life, but I took the week off so I figure I should do what I want. Maybe having time on my hands wouldn’t lead to more writing?
12:00 PM: I look through the questions that Andrew has sent over for the night and outline talking points.
1:00–3:00 PM: Although I took the week off, I am behind on report writing, so I spend a little time catching up. It is very hard for me to not work. This is something I am working on, but decide a few hours is okay and will get me jump started for next week.
6:00–8:00 PM: Taylor and Co. event! The event is hosted across the street from the bookstore at Brooklyn Artery, which is a beautiful space of gift-type items, drinks, and an event space in the back. Again, to my shock, people have shown up! About 12 of them, and I don’t know any of them! Andrew offers me a room-temperature rosé in a can, which was perfect and exactly what I wanted. Andrew is beyond generous. We had a great conversation and rousing Q&A with the audience, many of whom were writers themselves. I recommend stopping by Taylor and Co. and making lots of purchases when you can!
9:00 PM: Another night of not putting the kids to bed! I walk the dog and go to bed early.
Wednesday–Friday, June 4 - 6
For the remainder of the week, I did not do any report writing or treatment planning. I mostly took long walks and two-hour naps. On Friday, June 6 our baby officially turned one, and we had family over to celebrate and watch her eat her first piece of cake, which was a hit! By Friday night I felt excited for Dyke Delusions to be fully out of my hands and into the world.
